Home Illuminati Roundtable Illuminati Roundtable: Flexamania Swerves Into Hov’s Lane, Brother

Illuminati Roundtable: Flexamania Swerves Into Hov’s Lane, Brother

by Pooh Bailey

(Photo By Google Images)

What you gonna do when Flexamania runs wild on you? Probably laugh like the rest of the internet, brother. While you were at work last week trying to make a dollar out of two nickels and a Ramen noodle flavor pack, Funkmaster Flex decided to air out his grievances about Jay Z. It seems Flex is mad that Hov stole his app idea. Really? Corporate Carter stole an app from a 40-something radio DJ instead of some 20-year old IT intern. Ok. Then Flex got upset that Jigga called private, in which Flex didn’t answer. So Jigga decided to text him, ‘This is HOV.’ And being the man-boy that he is, Flex got mad about that. So mad that he threatened to ‘destroy’ Shawn Carter.

Pardon me I had to laugh at that. Destroy Shawn Carter. You can’t even destroy your competition in the ratings department. So how you going to destroy a 21st century Pop Icon? You can’t. Here’s my thing, if you knew Jay Z was calling, why didn’t you answer? If he text you, why didn’t you text back? Look, first I doubt Jay stole an app from you because you don’t even know how to screen-cap properly. You took a picture of the text from another phone (that’s how my granny screen caps). Second, if you are Team iPhone, like myself, your iPhone automatically turns hov into HOV. But you created an app though.

We don’t believe you, you need more people. Like every person who heard Funkmaster Flex’s Jay Z rants, we know that apps and thieving bloggers isn’t the cause for the rants. Rumor has it that the real problem is that Jay Z signed Angie Martinez and DJ Camilo to RocNation Management and not Flex. Flex feels as if he should’ve been signed first because he has more seniority. Seniority? Homeboy this isn’t the post office where you get the promotion due to rank. Maybe the folks at RocNation didn’t want to sign you because you’re a grown man, who deals with issues like a stubborn eight year old. Whether the rumor is true or not, all that whining on the radio is annoying. Just do us one favor and that’s next time you decide to rant, have Moesha’s journal music playing in the background. Oh and tell Dipset it’s not 2001, nobody cares. -Pooh Bailey

Leave a Comment